Contemplation
Lately, life has been hard—but not in the ways it’s been hard before. It’s funny how trauma shifts and takes on new shapes depending on the season you’re in.
And before you roll your eyes and think, “Here comes another sob story or life lesson,” let me just say this: no matter how hard life hits, we almost always have a choice. A choice in how we perceive things, and sometimes, a choice to leave the situation, job, or relationship that’s weighing us down.
Out of respect for my private life, I won’t say which of those applies to me right now. But what I’ve been reflecting on is something I believe applies to almost every situation.
Lately, I keep circling back to the same conclusion over and over again—the one I don’t want to accept. And if I know this conclusion would ultimately serve me, why am I resisting it so much? The answer is simple: fear, grief, and discomfort.
They say change only happens when the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of changing. But what if the pain feels equal either way? When both choices are unbearable, which do you choose then?
That’s the space I find myself in. And if you’re here too, please know you’re not alone. I think I understand now why so many people stay in situations that no longer serve them—because sometimes the pain of change feels just as heavy as the pain of staying.
I don’t have advice to give you today. I’m simply sharing my truth because these seasons can feel isolating, and one of the only ways I know how to process is to put it into words. And while the internet can be cruel, it can also be incredibly healing. It’s where I’ve found some of the most supportive, caring people—people who share the same deep desire: to be loved, understood, and wanted.
At the end of the day, I believe that’s what every human being longs for in one form or another. The challenge lies in pursuing it in healthy ways.
For now, all I can do is focus on myself and the things that bring me peace. Work, money, relationships—they’re taking a back seat. Because right now, I don’t have the energy to carry them the way I used to.
It feels cliché to say “I’m focusing on me,” but that’s exactly where I’m at.
So here’s what I want to leave you with: whatever situation, job, or relationship you’re in right now, remember—the opinions of others don’t matter. This is your life. Only you will know when it’s time to make a change. I may be in this place of contemplation for a while, but I’m proud of myself for being self-aware enough to even wrestle with these questions—and brave enough to share it here.
You can, too.
I won’t apologize if this post doesn’t feel as “valuable” as some of my others. My hope is that it serves as a reminder: take care of yourself without shame—without letting the opinions of others, or even the critical voice in your own head, convince you otherwise.
Wishing you a blessed week.
Love you all,
MM
